So We Wait...

November has been a hard month, but once again we have survived tough times.  I was 9 weeks pregnant, but unfortunately just recently lost the baby.  Friday, November 19, just the week before Turkey day, we found out there was no heart beat after having a sonogram with a good strong heartbeat just the Monday before.   I went in that Friday evening and had a D&C, so they could do some testing on the tissue.   It is all a bit shocking, but not near as devastating as losing Lily at 24 weeks.  The combination of the two losses is of course devastating, and a huge blow to my confidence in the idea of actually having a healthy child one day.  Statistically speaking the odds of having an early miscarriage are pretty high, at least 25%.  I was just hoping to escape the odds in light of everything else we had gone through this year, but realistically, this is not really how things work with statistics.  We will go through some other testing, to see if there is anything else going on with me and my body, before trying this all for the third time.  Yes, most will say, surely this wouldn't happen again, but with our track record, I am losing faith a bit, and getting a little more leery. So, we wait for a new plan.

I have a good life, I have a great husband, a wonderful family, and many amazing friends.  I have been blessed to do some wonderful things in my life so far.  I have traveled a good bit, pushed my body to the limits, learned some valuable lessons, and overall I have experienced alot of fun along the way.  All of this time,  I have felt being a bit of  a driven person, that I was somewhat in control.  Well, I am learning more and more, that this simply isn't the case.  Sometimes, the things we want most, are the things we have the least control over.  So, we wait, we keep our faith, we try to keep our priorities in check, and we try to learn the beauty of truly living life one day at a time, not worrying or stressing about tomorrow.  Having faith to know that we will be able to handle whatever tomorrow will bring.  And, holding on to hope that we may very well get the very desires of our heart, maybe not in our timetable or how we planned, but there is still hope for our future.  So we wait.